I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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