Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
