I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
