Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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