Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
