you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
