So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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