There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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