I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
