Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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