The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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