I have demons in me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize