he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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