The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
