do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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