There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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