omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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