naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
