the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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