My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
