That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
