I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize