I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
