I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
