she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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