Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
