Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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