Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
