so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
