my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
