Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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