Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
