A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
