Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
