You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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