you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
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You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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