It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
