im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
