I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
