if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
