I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
