I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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