Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
