I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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