On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
