He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize