On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
