I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well