Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?