Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
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IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants