I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
