i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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