Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
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It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
don't judge my taste in strippers
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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