My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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