Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
