what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
