I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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