Umm I'm too high to move.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
