i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
