You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
