I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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