$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
