Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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