Your mouth is God's brothel.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize