she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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